Do you know how to sleep? Many people don't!
In the future many many more will LACK THE ABILITY TO SLEEP. Now,
did you know that SLEEPING isn't DREAMING but is a PREREQUISITE for dreaming?
It may be easy to laugh at some retard who doesn't even know how to sleep
but IN THE FUTURE with all the beeping and whirring and robot chat and
whatnot, dozing off WILL BE HARD. A computerized world never sleeps.
Sure, Jif Johnson has here set up a service to supply the future with dreams
but NO ONE YET has developed a way to GUARANTEE SLEEP in the future, without
which this website is about as useful as one of those idiotic New Age dreamcatchers.
Good luck Tonto! Therefore, and you can thank me later, I, Sir Roland
Tremmens, have assembled a list of things you can do in order to SAFEGUARD
your very ABILITY to slumber. Prepare NOW!
Sir Roland Tremmens, Esq.
TIPS
1) Start drinking as early in the day as possible. Buy lots of alcohol now so the scientists in the future can't program your drink not to get you drunk!
2) Try to catch a very tiring disease.
3) Starting tonight, sleep with the TV on and a calculator stuck where the dreams don't shine, in order to assimilate.
4) Open a coffeeshop in your bedroom and eavesdrop on the students. In an emergency, borrow tapes of their favorite bands.
5) Counting sheep won't cut it in the future
so count ALL the animals. Better yet, have a computer do it.
6) Try getting out of bed and then back in again--that's a computer
joke.
7) When you want to sleep, start reading John Updike's poetry.
If that doesn't work, try Alice Walker.
8) Hit yourself in the head with something blunt.
9) Go see that movie your girlfriend heard good things about that's
only showing in that theatre that has couches instead of seats and puts
baker's yeast or some shit on the popcorn.
10) Save up and get a really nice bed.
Good Luck!